Some Good Advice

Dear Zoe:
My boyfriend is over at my house so often, he decided to move in. I said that was fine, but I have asked him several times. If he would pay his share of rent, bills, food, etc. He refuses and we argue. I really think he's a great guy, but I can't have him leeching off me! What should I do?
---Troubled Butterfly

Dear troubled Butterfly: In the immortal words of trash talk shows: "Kick him to the curb, baby!" If he were in a situation where the only alternative besides your place was the street, that's one thing. Because if that were the case you could have your own live in slave, dependent only on the divine mercy of your goddess self. If you were the primary breadmaker, and you two were engaged (and I mean rings and a set date) there is another. However, he sounds like a jerk, and you don't need it. Listen to your instincts. If he really was a great guy, he wouldn't use you. Or he would at least show some gratitude or guilt. If I were you, I'd throw him out. Tomorrow.

Dear Zoe: My girlfriend and I play a game. I dress up in a clown suit and she pretends she's a seal while giving me a blow job. her reward for the favor is feeding of fresh fish afterwards. She gets really excited when I rub the fish on her during cod oiled anal sex. But we only perform this circus with a live audience of small children she babysits. My worry is this: I'm afraid the children will be mislead into eating raw fish. Isn't raw fish dangerous to eat like raw meat is? I wouldn't want the children to get samanella or anything. ---Binky

Dear Binky: Hmmmmm. This is a tough one. Yes, it is true eating raw fish is a health hazard. Sushi is prepared under strict conditions so these health hazards are minimal. You certainly don't want small children poisoned by contaminated fish, as their immune systems are newer and weaker than adults. Perhaps a "don't try this at home, kids" warning is in order for delivery before the act. It happens Binky that I have a question for you. Aside from your bizarre and may I add, disgusting, sex games, why are you two babysitting? Couldn't you find a better occupation after breaking out of prison?

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