Journal--2/16/00

 

So, I spent some time yesterday at gothgoose.net and sifted through some people's pages. I wouldn't call myself the sort of person who mocks or enjoys making fun of others. Of course I winded up on this site, so what does that really say? But, I'll admit I don't like it. I've experienced some pretty awful teasing and mental torture in my past and I hardly want to spread any more bad spirit or karma through the world. What makes these sites so seductive is the fact that there are some people it is hard not to laugh at. Horrendous misspelling, cheesy photos, and over-repetition of the terms "dark" and "gothic," all contribute to a general sense of ignorance about these sorts.
Now, I've been through my share of this. Three years ago, when I was still learning HTML and the internet, I created a site of links Dark Haven. It really wasn't that bad, but it really wasn't that great either. It consisted mainly of links and some areas devoted to the gothic subculture. I was still learning mind you and I didn't want to do just another personal site with pictures of my boyfriend. It was a way to pass time during the summer, okay?
For any matter, this site got labeled as a cheesy goth site by some moron who did one of those damn catty awards. I was a little perturbed, but actually delighted since I've always figured that gothic culture has always contained that kernel of cheese (give yourself up to the beauty of the night? come on!) So I wore it like a golden badge. I wasn'y terribly upset. I didn't personally think my site was overly cheesy, but I allowed it. Big deal.
That of course is a mild run-in. I'm just not stupid enough to come off like certain other personal sites Goth Goose catalogues. Truthfully, I sort of understand these people, in a way. We all go through phases in our search for identity. When I was fifteen, I was your typical overzealous alterna-girl. I used to tie flannel shirts around my waist, ripped my jeans, mismatched, all in an effort to be someone, to be accepted, to be cool. I'm not going to deny it. Wearing black was probably me growing out of that phase. I suppose recently I've been growing out of my overtly goth phase as well.
But these accoutremonts we adopt through our lives, especially in our youth, are simply personaes and masks we adopt to discover what our own identity is. They are much like the archetypes which weight heavily in Jungian thought. We have the rebels, the dark ones, the jocks, the preps, the geeks. Many of these people are grabbing so hard at these masks because they desperately need the acceptance. Also, they are presented these indentities in abundance on the net. It is new. It looks like a place of udnerstanding.
I'll be the first to admit, all subcultures are fickle. There is a fine line between a poseur, a member, and a prick. We are all balanced here and there. Just because I happen to dig some Marilyn Manson(which I do) doesn't mean I'm a poseur, but to some it does. Those who point fingers may not be total pricks either. They just might be taking part in important group behaviour. A group of tightly knit people creates insular boundaries to define who is a member and who is not. Please forgive me. I've been reading too much sociological literature.
So, on one hand it is a necessity of the group, and a disgusting wart of the group. I myself dislike stupidity and most importantly ignorance. Of course it's silly that some dumb kid listening to Marilyn Manson and Korn thinks he's GAF(goth as fuck for those who don't know) It's absurd! But, in a couple of years he's going to pass this phase and move on. Maybe he'll be a poseur for another group. Oh well. Some people are desperate to belong somewhere, just anywhere! I'm not going to totally condemn such behavior, but I just might laugh....

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